A Mickey Mouse vacation

• "The happiest place on earth? Grandma Taylor told me to tell you that is when I'm in Provo, Utah."
• "So the slogan is 'Dreams Come True,' huh? Is this Disneyland or Napoleon Dynamite-land?"

• "Oh, yeah, Mom, I heard that noise come from Mickey, too!"
• "No, seriously, Mom, I don't see Mickey Mouse having a tail, do you?"
• "Yeah, Mom, I think the costuming is a little over the top, too - kinda a cross between 'Beauty and the Beast,' the Mad Hatter and The Artist Formerly Known As Prince."

• "Hey, you'd cower too if you were next to some creature in purple and orange clothes, with ears bigger than my head and eyes that never blink. And I STILL haven't seen a tail on the mouse."
• "Bummer, I was hoping for a visit from Cinderella — and maybe a smooch, too."

• "Come on, Mom and Dad, go find your own rocket to ride in. This is a little too cramped with three — besides, it's hard to pick up babes at Disneyland when your Mom and Dad are hanging around too close."
• "If I steer this rocket ride just right, will you let me pull the rental car out of the parking lot by myself on the way home tonight?"

• "Not feeling too good after going round and round for hours on all the rides ... feeling a little queasy ... a little sick to my stomach ... come here, Mom ... I think I'm gonna ... RRRRRRRRR!"
• "Please, Mom! I want you to take me on the carousel next! Dad keeps putting me on the pink ponies!"

• "Oh, I'm just waiting for the fireman to slide down."
• "Dang, this is attached at both the top and the bottom. I was hoping the bars would loosen up and we'd have a carousel ride like in 'Mary Poppins.' "

• "Uh, this is even scarier than the 'Mr. Toad's Wild Ride' thing that Braden warned me about."
• "I'm thinking I'm going to have horrific nightmares for the next three straight weeks — like at about 2 AM every morning."

• "Quit your complaining, lady, I'll have this wheel's tread removed in no time."
• "I'm taking a correspondence course to be a trained NASCAR pit crew member."
• "Hey, which Disneyland ride is this?"
• "So, you'll swap me this cool wheelchair for my stroller, if I toss in my mom's purse? Deal!"

• "Uh, excuse me? We spend a day at Disneyland and you think it's time to get all cuddly and close together? Actually, this was going to be a 'guys only' shot in front of the teacups."
• "Listen, Mom, I'll stop being mad and start taking to you again as soon as you let me go on the Matterhorn — by myself."

Shop-o-rama

• "Hmmm — ride this or Grandpa's luggage? Not much of a choice is it? Maybe I'll call him 'Samsonite' — you know, just so Grandpa doesn't feel too bad."
• "I love going down the toy aisles with Grandma. Usually I'm stuck in the grocery story with my mom - and you can get so excited about canned food for only so long."
• "I think I've found a winner for next year's family reunion barrel races in Idaho."
• "I'm certain Roy Rogers got his start this way -- finding Trigger in his shopping cart."

• "Just like certain parts of your tongue are more sensitive to sweet, sour and salt tastes, there are certain parts of your body that are most sensitive to softness — such as the top of one's head. Seriously, try it."
• "See, Mom, I learned this watching the Discovery Channel. If you're ever attacked in the wild by a large grizzly bear ... like this ... all you do is assume the fetal position and play dead ... like this."
• "Mom's had me in this shopping cart for hours . . . so, so tired . . . can't lay back in the wire seat . . . must find something to rest my head on . . . mmmmmm . . . zzzzzzzzz."

September funnies

• "This is just like riding horses with Mom in Utah — except if I fall off, I'm much closer to the ground."
• "See, Grandpa, you really could have fit me in your carry-on when you went on your cruise."
• "The only thing that could make this any better is if I was riding this on the luggage carousel at the Newark airport!"

• "We've got a secret and we're not telling — OK, we will. We hid our moms' car keys in the dishwasher."

• "I'll tell you what's so funny — I can't even read, but I sure as heck know that Nets fabric behind me is hanging upside down!"
• "Let me scream it out one more time in case you didn't hear me — IT'S 2:30 IN THE MORNING AND I'M LOVIN' LIFE. HOW ABOUT YOU?"
• "Stop me if you heard this one ... A young mother comes into her infant son's bedroom and asks 'What is this strange child doing in the crib?' And her husband replies, 'Well, dear, you did ask me to change the baby.' "

Chowing down

• "What? Mom's cooking tonight and it's time for dinner? Just a minute."
• "Yummmm, tastes like chicken."
• "The pediatrician said I needed more minerals in my diet."

• "You mean this isn't chocolate pudding?"

Hangin' out

• "Hey, Dad, those aren't the words Mom uses when she's driving."
• "Umm, turn right here. ... Watch the car at the intersection. ... Hey, hey, hey - goin' a little too fast, aren't you? ... Watch the light, it's turning ... Turn signal, please ... What, Mom? Oh, no, your driving doesn't bother me at all, why do you ask?"
• "Wait! That's the third McDonald's you've passed, and I've got a hankerin' for a Happy Meal!"

• [Quietly to myself] "Hmmm, just what do you do when the conversation lags? Talk about awkward."

August in Jersey

• "Oh, guys, I wanted nachos"
• "Yeah, this is OK, but I think I could have even more fun watching the Rockies."

• "Mom, I could see better if you didn't put block my view with your arms."

• "You think that went far, Dad, how about watching this (lolli) pop fly!"

• "Oh, yeah, everybody's pretty pleased that I'm eating watermelon with a fork by myself . . . but wait until they see what I did with all the seeds."

• "You think I'm making a mess now, just wait until you see what I can do with a baked birthday cake."
• "Grandma knew best to hold on tight because I have a tendency to dive into chocolate cake batter."

• "Dad, I may be only one year old, but I'm smart enough to know my favorite birthday cards are the ones that have cash or checks inside."

• "No, I'm not messy with my birthday cake and getting it all over me -- I'm just saving some for later, you know."
• "How am I going to learn to eat with utensils if you don't give me a little freedom to explore with my food."

• "Get OSHA on the phone pronto! They're giving me a hair cut, I'm sitting in the sink and I've got electric clippers right in my grasp."

• "Here's my favorite knock-knock joke, Grandma. Knock, knock . . . Dwayne . . . . Dwayne the sink, I'm dwowning."

• "I can't tell what bothers me more - that Mom gets more candles on her cake than I did last week, or that by the candle count, she's only 13 years old."
• "You saw me and my birthday cake - just think what I could do with this one."

More from Provo

• "Yeah, someday maybe they let us out to run around outside."

• "MARCO ! . . . come on, Mom, say it. Say 'Polo.' "
• "Now this is a backyard pool! Everywhere is the deep end, and it's just about as big as Delaware."

• "Mom, the best thing about you running the Provo River Half-Marathon was me getting to sleep in on a Saturday morning."
• "Hey, Grandma, how about holding me on the other side — Mom's a little hot and sweaty to be around this morning."

• "Hey, we need to do this more often, don't we?"
• "Grandma, hold me a little closer to the fridge — Dad wanted me to look at the calendar and see what you've got written down for dinner this Sunday."

Pool time is cool time

• "Uh, hello. This is the kiddie pool, and this kiddie is the only one who's NOT in the pool."
• "Hey, Mom, Grandma - I said I wanted to play 'Marco Polo,' not talk about Target's polos."

• "Grandma, I think you're having more fun than I am — and that's just not right."

• "Oh, yeah, this is the kind of face I see when Mom or Dad get on the New Jersey Turnpike."

• "Hey, what does this button do?"

• "Whoa! Multi-jet water cannons!"

• "Wow! We could use this on our cars back home. Just think of what we could do to the cars in front of us that were going too slow."

• "Again! And again! And again.!"

• "Yeah, this is almost worth moving to Provo for!"

• "Oh, yeah, shivering until I'm blue in the face is my kind of fun - hurry and take the picture so I can get back in the water."

• "I don't care if she looks like Auntie Bree or even is Auntie Bree - that lifeguard there scares me!"
• "She blew her whistle at me and said I was running in the pool — and I can't even walk yet!"

• "Yeah, this is about the best way to warm up after a cool evening at the pool."

First Taylor family reunion

• "What do you you mean, 'look at the camera?' "

• "Oh, yeah, Matthew, this 'hands and knees' thing is a fun diversion for you 'cause it's NOT your primary mode of transportation like it is for me."
• "I've learned at an early age - knees feel better on the grass than the cement."
• "On the count of three, you go for the ankles and I'll grab the shoelaces and then we'll have her."

• "Oh, yeah, this is about as much fun as one can have at a family reunion — getting sidetracked in your aunt's arms and unable to get away. And, look, everybody else is getting first crack at the popsicles. Thanks, Auntie Bree."

• "What do you mean they've run out of hamburgers already?"
• "With a little more practice and some one-on-one training with the expert --- a k a my mom --- I should be able to make fish faces with the best of the Taylors."

• "Oh, yeah, this family suits me to a 'T.' "
• "Oh, yeah, this family scares me something silly."

Carter in Almo

• "Hmmmm. I wonder why they call this wooden porch 'The Sliver-Maker?' And if that's the case, I wonder why my mom is letting me crawl around on it with shorts and no shoes?"

• "Uh, hello, got a blanket over my face here. Can't see the camera, which means the camera can't see me."

• "Uh, same problem. No can see; no can be seen. Don't want to be remembered for the City of Rocks trip as 'oh, there's Carter somewhere in that baby carrier.' No, the public wants to see me. The public needs to see me."

• "Great. So they finally get a shot of my face, and what do you know - my eyes are closed."
• "Zzzz . . . mmmm ... gotta remember it's the cows that saw 'mooooo' ... zzzz ... mmmm ... slobber on Braden ... zzzz ...mmmm ... smile at grandma, get a treat ... zzzz ... "

• "Hey, it ain't quite the Park Plaza, but it sure beats sleepin' out under the stars -- except when my Uncle Braden starts to snore. Not so tight, please."

• "Come on, Mom, real cowboys don't have to wait for their mothers to put on their makeup before headin' out."

• "Hey, now this is my kind of hiking! Feet and legs don't get tired — I could go on for hours! It is a little bumpy in the back, though. But I'm good to go."

"I don't care who you are, a blankie's a welcome sight in any time zone."

• "Let me get this straight, this stick horse is our ride, the pop cans on the lawn are the barrels, and I'm competing with my mom in the family reunion barrel riding — my wildest dreams have come true. [pause] Mom, I said that with sarcasm."

• "OK, Mom. That wasn't that bad. And you make a pretty fast horse. But some shock absorbers would have helped."

• "Oh, no, Mom's taking me out behind the wood shed."
• "Ooooh, you weren't watching where you were walking, were you."

• "OK, so this is a family tradition of a photo. So, been there, done that, and not even one year old yet."
• "I'm glad we're getting a photo taken in the old woodshed and not the old outhouse."