Carter courtside

• "Hey, I thought we were going to the circus!"
• "Typical Nets crowd, huh?"
• "I still can't see my namesake — where is this Vince Carter dude anyway?"
• "So, when do we put the paper bags over our heads and get to meet the team owner?"
• "Shaved head? Check! . . . Wearing red and blue? Check! . . . On the court to show these boys I brought my 'A' game? Still waiting ..." (from Mitch)
• "Hey, hot dog man — over here!" (from Mitch)
• "Oh, we are at the circus . . . I just saw the clowns." (from Mitch)
• "Um, there is another team coming, right? There is a visiting team, right?" (from Mitch)

Crying 'Wolf"

• "Ewwwwww! I found someone with worse ear hair than my Grandpa Taylor!"
• "My, Grandma, what a long nose you have. And my, what a bad basketball team you have, too, Grandma."
• "I fear I'll be dreaming about you for the next two weeks."
• "Yes, I have blue eyes, too, thank you."
• "I know where you can find a cat." (from Mitch)
• "Hey, can I get something to cover my face too while I wear this jersey?" (from Mitch)
• "New Jersey WOLVES?!? I thought we were the Nets." (from Mitch)
• "Hey, can you help me meet Deron Williams?" (from Mitch)

Ewwwwww!

• "Ewwwww, Grandpa! Your ear hairs are almost as long and bushy as your nose hairs."
• "Hey, this is neat — I can look in this ear and see the light coming in from the other ear."
• "Hold still, I'm almost done counting the hairs on your head — 11, 12, 13 ..."
• "Hold still, I'm almost done counting the hairs on your head — and I think we're just about even!"
• "Must concentrate . . . bring me food, videos and keep me away from Nets basketball." (from Mitch)
• "Two heads are better than one ... with my looks and my brains ... never mind — I'll stick with what I got." (from Mitch)
• "Man, you've got a big head." (from Mitch)

Got thoughts?

CURRENTLY OPEN FOR YOUR SUGGESTED CAPTIONS ...

High-flying

• "Hey, how the heck am I going to be able to jump out at the swing's apex if you've got this silly bar in front of me?"
• "Today, the Little Tykes swing; tomorrow, the monkey bars."
• "Does this double as zero-gravity training for my future career as an astronaut?"
• "Swing ... swing a swong ... make it swimple to wast the whole night long ..." (from Mitch)
• "Red and blue? Everything is red and blue! What is this, Nets country?" (from Mitch)
• "What do you mean 'pump my legs?' I can't even bend 'em." (from Mitch)

The cat's meow

• "Fine, stay just out of reach. But, remember, some day I'll be able to crawl and then walk and then run, and then I'll grab that tail, those ears, those whiskers."
• "Hey, let's you and me surprise my dad — I think you can fit easily in my mom's carry-on."
• "I tried some of your cat food and it doesn't help me purr anything like you do."
• "Yeah, Mieka, my Daddy wasn't so thrilled to see that we are friends." (from Jenna)
• [Mieka's thoughts] "It's me or him . . . and why does he get to eat at the table? I have been here longer." (from Mitch)
• [Carter's thoughts] "5 ... 4 ... 3 ... 2 ... 1 ... POUNCE!" (from Mitch)
• "Come, little kitty . . . I know a family back east that would love to take you for a WOK." (from Mitch)

Close encounters

• "OK, you've got me at a disadvantage - I can't crawl away and I can only roll toward you and not away from you. So, since I'm stuck here, I'll try to act as happy as I can. But in all honesty, I'd rather be playing with Grandpa."
• "That's a funny story - I'll have to remember to share it with my dad. So, Aunt Breanna, tell me another one about what my mom did when she was growing up in this house."
• "Yeah, I'm still laughing about how I spit up on Braden and grossed him out. (Memo to self: 'She's next.')"
• "Nets . . . ha ha ha . . . whew! . . . I know . . . at least you don't have to watch them." (from Mitch
• "I lay here 'cause I can't walk — what's your excuse?" (from Mitch)
• ". . . and then guess what I did next to the cat?" (from Mitch)

Don't worry, be happy

• "In order for anybody to feel this happy, you've either got to be at Grandma's house or in Utah . . . and I'm doing both!"
• "And while you're bringing out toys to keep me entertained, what I really want is an official Red Ryder, carbine action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle!"
• "This orange blanket is my magic carpet — look, it brought me toys!" (from Mitch)
• "Toys! Toys! Toys! They're all mine. I don't share — I licked them all. They're mine, I say, mine . . . bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha!" (from Mitch)

Saying 'Uncle'

• "Yes, Mom, I'm trying really hard to be calm, nice and friendly around my Uncle Braden - remember, we agreed it would be my little 'service project' and our little 'secret.' "
• "He thinks that by holding me this far away that I won't be able to spit up on him. But I didn't earn the nickname of 'The Spewmaster' for nothing."
• "Who's your favorite nephew?"
• "It can be so embarrassing to be seen out in public with a 15-year-old uncle. I mean, if your uncle can't drive a car and take you cruisin' around town, over to the mall or out for pizza or In-N-Out burgers, what good is he anyway?"
• "So, this is how the whole 'pit' thing started — not impressed." (from Mitch)
• "Didn't anyone teach you how to hold me? Duh . . . this isn't a stake dance — you can hold me a little closer." (from Mitch)

Air Male

• "I just know my Publisher's Clearinghouse Sweepstakes notification is in here somewhere."
• " 'Occupant' . . . bill . . . 'occupant' . . . 'occupant' ... bill. Man, you'd think Grandma Taylor would write me a letter every once in a while!"
• Yesterday's taste test: newsprint. Today's taste test: mail. And guess what tomorrow's is?"
• I keep offering to my parents my services to lick the stamps and the envelopes -- but, no! So, I'll show them and fill out every credit card application sent to us."
• "Tastes like chicken." (from Mitch)
• "I'm almost over my letter-eating habit — I think it's licked." (from Mitch)
• "You don't eat letters, only numbers — and the letter is '8'. " (from Mitch)
• "If you think letter-eating is an amazing feat, you should have seen me get the letters from the mailbox ... let alone me driving the car." (from Mitch)

Different strokes for different folks

• "Here's how I'm training for the 2028 Summer Olympics -- I've shaved off all my body hair and I practice the backstroke whenever I'm in the water. Now, if I could only find an infant-sized Speedo!"
• "When I go to Grandma Taylor's house, at least they know there how to keep me modest for bath-time photos!"
• OK, Aunt Breanna, I think I've proved that I'm ready for the deep end."
• "Somebody break the ice so I can get out!" (from Mitch)
• "Swim suit — SUIT! Not a swim washcloth!" (from Mitch)
• "20 laps in 20 seconds — a new world record, and without a kick-turn. I rock! No, really, I swim like a rock." (from Mitch)

Open wide and say "Ahhhhhhhh"

• "What am I doing? Well, Uncle Braden bet me I couldn't stick this ball in my mouth - and I'm going to show him!"
• "I thought you said this was a 'sucker' ball."
• "You said 'pass the ball' — I can't pass it until I swallow it." (from Mitch)
• "My ball . . . my slobber . . . now really my ball." (from Mitch)
• "I'd keep playing water polo, but my horse drowned." (from Mitch)

Scouting report

• OK, Dad, I've watched the other ward's team warm up and I think we can take them. Let me play the point and I should be able to . . . . . woah, I have a Nets jersey on and all of a sudden I'm starting to feel funny, a little dizzy, a little weak. Maybe you guys ought to go on without me, and I'll just sit here with Mom and work on my dribbling."
• "I get the Nets shirt and YOU get a BYU shirt — what did I do wrong? If you're talking about the diaper — so I used it. Is that soooo bad?" (from Mitch)
• "Hey, I just realized that I'm taller than you . . . ahem, if you're sitting and someone's holding me." (from Mitch)

Thinking about

• "I'm Carter Jensen and I approve all these captions."
• "4 ... 8 ... 15 ... 16 ... 23 ... 42 ... 4 ... 8 ... 15 ... 16 ... 23 ... 42 ...4 ... 8 ... 15 ... 16 ... 23 ... 42 ..."
• " And you are?" (from Mitch)
• "I eat, sleep and poop . . . what do you do for a living?" (from Mitch)
• "Yeah, I'm a Nets fan — so what about it?" (from Mitch)

Read-along

• "This is so much easier to follow, Mom. When Uncle Braden reads to me, I have to help him sound out the words."
• "Are you sure that in all the books you read to me each night, every other sentence actually says 'You are getting sleepy, Carter . . . your eyelids are droopy and your eyes want to shut . . . you're getting sleepy, Carter.' "
• "It's funny - you read me Dr. Seuss and Dad reads me ESPN: The Magazine.
• "Hey, dad, help me out here. You see what she's doing to me? Reading! Uncle Aaron doesn't have to read. So ... um ... grab me, then the remote and let's meet at the couch in five ... and bring food. 'Sesame Street' starts in 10 and today the show is sponsored by the number '3' and the letter 'A.' It's must-see TV." (from Mitch)

From my lofty perch ...

• "This gives me a feeling of power, power -- forgive me a cruel chuckle (ha-ha) -- POWER!" (From "Robin Hood")
• "I feel like a Weeble - I wobble but I don't fa-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-l-l ..."
• "So this is what the floor looks like from above - it's hard, it's flat. No wonder I've got back problems and a bare spot on the back of my head."