March Madness IV

• "I never would have let Mom bring in my pajamams if I knew there were gonna be babes at early morning seminary."
• "So, Dad, what are you studying this week in seminary - the doctrine of Krispy Kremes or the plan of Dunkin' Donuts? Thats why I call my plan of happiness, if you know what I mean — and sprinkles make me especially happy."

• "Hey, Dad, I helped you out by already grading your seminary students' test papers. Oh, and they all failed because all their answers didn't have any pictures or drawings, just a bunch of letters and words. And I used this big permanent marker to cross out their answers. You can thank me later, OK, Dad?"

• "Cut and stack the wood pile, do the dishes, vacuum the house, dust the furniture, wash the windows, do the laundry — I'm telling you, they should have named me Carterella."
• "Hey, Dad, let me show the piece of wood I've been whittling all week — it's a figure I call Mr. Woody, and I play with him all day and he's my best friend. But I've can't find him anywhere here in the box. Mr. Woody . . . Mr. Woody, where are you? Wait . . . oh, no . . . you don't suppose he got put in . . . oooooh, Mr. Woody! . . . (awkward pause) . . . Dad, can we at least scatter Mr. Woody's ashes in the backyard?"

• "OK, Grandpa, so if you try to stab the last French fry on the plate that way with your fork, I'll block you this way with mine."
• "I'm going to duel him left-handed. It is the only way I can be satisfied. If I use my right — over too quickly . . . I dedicated my life to the study of fencing. So the next time we meet, I will not fail. I will go up to the six-fingered man and say, 'Hello. My name is Carter Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.' "

March Madness III

• "Watching the Nets is kinda like watching a car wreck on the turnpike, isn't it, Dad?. You don't really want to see all the gory details but you just can't pull yourself away. It's a morbid curiosity we have, isn't it?"

• "Blake Griffin won the All-Star weekend slam dunk contest by dunking over a car - but that's no big deal. Here I'm showing how I can dunk the whole truck!"
• "I call this my 'Keep-on-dump-truckin', four-rim-rockin', no-shoes-but-I'm-wearing-stockin's, slam-bam-Jimmer-jam' . . . in case anybody wants to know."

• "Hey, Mom - when you asked me if I can't to go three-wheelin', this ain't exactly what I had in mind."
• "And when we're done here in the park, can we give this a go in the McDonald's drive-thru?"

March Madness I

• "Come back here you little squirrel — I want to try to tickle you again."

• "Who knew that a basketball would make for a better flotation device than an Boeing 737 seat cushion?"
• "I've got multi-tasking down to an art at an early age — I'm bathing, I'm practicing my dribbling and I'm reviewing my alphabet all at the same time!"

• "When I grow up, I wanna be a Muppet — so I'm just practicing right now."
• "When I said I liked the Muppets, my parents showered me with Muppet toys. Next, I'm gonna tell them I like money — I'm hoping to be bathing in small bills this time tomorrow!"

• "I proclaim that all the territory I can see from this lofty peak will from this time henceforth be known as 'Carterlandia.' "

• "Yeah, take a picture of this, Mom and save it for about 14-15 years, because you'll never see me waking up in bed with this big of a smile when I'm a teenager."
• "The levels of happiness — 1. Sleeping in a big bed . . . 2. Sleeping in late in a big bed . . . 3. Sleeping in late in a big bed with a warm blanket . . . 4. Sleeping in late in a big bed with a warm blanket and hiding a bag of cookies so your parents won't see them."

Hoops and fire hoses

• "I'm here to announce that I'm taking my talents to . . . the NBA Draft lottery, where I hope to be picked in the New Jersey Nets slot to please my Dad, selected by the Utah Jazz to please my Uncle Braden and then traded to the Phoenix Suns to please my Grandpa Taylor."
• "Uh, Mom, if I'm gonna swish my Jimmer-like half-court shot, you're gonna have to back up and give me more room."
• "Like they say, a boy and his basketball are rarely apart."
• "Off the picture window, off the piano keyboard, off the mirror, nothing but net."

• "Now I know how gerbils and hamsters feel."

• "Hey, Grandma, last one down the fire pole is a rotten egg!"

"Come on, Mom, I'll turn on the ignition and you press on the gas pedal and we'll be roaring out of here in no time. . . . OK, at least help me flip on the siren, then."

• "Ain't no way you're getting me to try and take a drink out of this hose!"
• "Mom, we could fill up my wading pool in three seconds if we used this kind of hose!"

Four February fotos

• "Uh, no. You're gonna have to come get me."
• "Uh, still no. You're gonna have to bribe me."
• "Uh, no way. If God wanted us to be sliding all the time, he would have given us Teflon butts."

• "I'm dreaming of holding a big bag full of treats and prizes. . . . I'm dreaming of holding a big bag full of treats and prizes . . . . and if this works out, I'll start dreaming of flying to Utah!"

• "Oh, yeah, I'm not too proud to admit that I'm the one who taught Jimmer how to Jimmer."
• "Just think, Dad, watching Jimmer bomb away in the Bronx could make it fun to be a Nets fan again, wouldn't it?"
• "Hey, how come you get all the love and attention wearing the BYU/Jimmer jersey, and I'm still resigned to sporting the old Nets gear?"

• "Yeah, Dad, it's lonely being a Nets fan, isn't it?"
• "No, really, I'm almost positive I saw a 'Toys-R-Us' booth down here a little farther."
• "If we always have to walk off these Net losses, we're going to be a couple of really fit guys, aren't we, Dad?"

Five February fotos

• "See, Grandpa, I told you a grew a half a balloon taller since last month."
• "Grandpa, I don't know if I really like having watched the 'Up' video with you again this week . . . and what's that other two-dozen balloons in the kitchen for, anyways?"
• "This is kind of an expensive and time-consuming way to give your favorite grandson a wedgie, isn't it, Grandpa? And so much for the element of surprise, too."

• "Why do the older girls always think they have to drive?"
• No, Riley, I have NO IDEA WHATSOEVER about what might have happened to the Justin Bieber CD that was in the dashboard player earlier."
• "Are you sure this is how Uncle Braden got his start with his learner's permit?"

• "Uh, time out! Gotta breathe here!"
• "You know, I don't mind cuddling with the girls, but to be seen doing it while sitting in the stroller just doesn't jive with my street cred, if you know what I mean."

• "With my new-found ability to reach the doorknob and open doors, I'm ready to go out on my own into the world — just as soon as I can find something other than this flower-design diaper to wear."

Nothing but Nets?

• "Here I sit, with the typical Nets crowd. Oh, wait, it's Fan Appreciation Night?"

• "Knicks fans and Nets fans socializing together? Standing side-by-side and smiling for the camera? That's like trying to get the Hatfields and McCoys together for a Sunday brunch. Pssst, Mom ... Dad ... there's three of us and only two of them — let's jump 'em. I'll work on biting their ankles."

• "What? No D-Will jerseys available? Oh, I predict you'll soon have a big demand."
• "Yeah, these are arm bands and they're on my arms — no, they're not fabric water wings. You wanna make something of it, buddy?"
• "Whadda mean you're all out of M&Ms and animal crackers?"

• "I don't care if we're still a half-hour away from tip-off — I've seen enough and I wanna go home."
• "I think I'm starting to become a Nets fan, Daddy — I need intervention and a hug!"

* Thanks to Ty for letting us tease about the Nets. As a Jazz fan this year, we feel your pain — but will gladly accept your 2011 NBA Draft lottery pick.

Basketball Jonesin'

• "This is great, but if we had two, we could play full-court."
• "I think this is a child-proof box — let's git 'er opened up!"

• "It's not only just in the flick of the wrist, it's in the facial expression, too!"
• "It's not just scoring that's important, it's also how you look in doing that. I've learned that from SportsCenter."

• "I know it's hard to believe, but I taught Jimmer how to Jimmer."
• "Now that I've got this range down, I'm heading back to half-court — also known as 'half-couch.' "

• "Babe Ruth made calling his home run shot famous in baseball. I'm going to make calling my living room shot famous in basketball."
• "Mom, I've dunked on you five straight times, so I've only got one thing to say to you ... 'WARM UP THE BUS! WARM UP THE BUS!"

March Madness II

• "Oh, yeah, tell me about it — I had one of those animal-face caps that my Mom bought for me and made me wear. Moms love them - they say 'you're so cute.' But I think they make our dads cringe when we wear them. And I don't know which one is more awkward - my pig or your monkey. Listen, here's what you've gotta do — find a place to stash them or hide them or anything and hope you'll grow out of them before their found again. Or hope for a younger sibling to come along soon — it's gotta be one of your first hand-me-downs."

• "I'm telling you, you've got to lose the cap — the animal ears are not very aerodynamic and create a real drag when you're trying to go down the slide."

• "Now these are my kind of speed bumps!"

• "Yeah, that's my pig-face cap down there at the bottom of the drain. Just don't tell my Mom."

• "Are you training for the World Wrestling Federation or are you really just happy to see me?"
• "Hey, hey, hey - gotta breathe here."

More February fotos

• "Getting caught with the candy hearts? Oh, no, the real surprise comes when you realize I'm just sucking on them for a couple of minutes and then sticking them back in the box."
• "I'm practicing my self-control and only eating the candy hearts that have a vowel printed on them."

• Dogs? Phooey! A man's best friends is the TV remote!"
• "What's this show Dad's been watching? 'Vampire Sorority Babes'?"
• "Hey, who put the parental lock on 'Elmo' anyway?"

• "Just three more to go and then I will have earned my window-washing merit badge."
• "I vaguely remember dropping Mom's car keys somewhere out there in the snow in the backyard, but I'm not exactly sure where."
• "I wonder if this window sill is OSHA-approved?"

• "... and then I said, 'Mom, how was I supposed to know I wasn't supposed to put Disney DVDs in the toaster.' "
• "Yeah, Dad, I know how you feel — was hoping for Cafe Rio tonight instead of tuna casserole."
• "I just had this terrible nightmare that I wasn't going to be a spoiled, only child and that I would at some point in my life have to share toys, attention and the spotlight. Wow — talk about scary! Dad, please tell me it was only a dream."
• "I'm sorry, Dad, but when you were talking about gas additives for the car, I thought you said 'TP' and not 'STP.' "

Five January pics - part I

• "Oh, the driveway's almost done and there are no "little guy" snowshovels available to use? Be still, my broken heart."

• "Some kids get sent to their room for time out. I get sent to a cardboard box."
• "Hey, Mom and Dad, when I said I wanted my own room, I was thinking of something a little bigger."
• "Hey, Mom and Dad, when I said I wanted to try a little boxing with my friends, this isn't what I had in mind."
• I need a change of scenery. Just put a lid on me a stamp on top of that and ship me off to Utah, please."

• "I wanna be like Mary Poppins and have my horse just jump off the merry-go-round and head off over there!"
• "The merry-go-round here and the food court over there ... yep, when I grow up, I wanna be a mall cop!

"It's fun to be up here and look down at the top of people's heads, rather than look up at the bottom of people's noses."

• "And please, God, bless my Daddy to wake up and turn switch over from the Nets broadcast so I can watch something interesting . . . . and bless me with Jimmer's range and touch . . . and bless it so that the socks I flushed away won't clog the toilet . . . "

Snow days

• "All I said was, 'And Carter shoots a frozen rope . . . ' and look what happened!"
• "I keep tellin' ya, this wouldn't happen if we had an indoor court."
• "Hey, it's stuck!"

• "Hey, now I'm stuck!"
• "Measure me now, Dad - I think I'm almost as tall as you are."
• "Hey, Dad, I dare you to stick your tongue on that light pole over there — I TRIPLE DOG DARE you!"

• "You may think I look funny sitting up on on this tall snowbank. The really funny thing is that I'm actually sitting on Mom's shoulders."