March Madness IV

• "I never would have let Mom bring in my pajamams if I knew there were gonna be babes at early morning seminary."
• "So, Dad, what are you studying this week in seminary - the doctrine of Krispy Kremes or the plan of Dunkin' Donuts? Thats why I call my plan of happiness, if you know what I mean — and sprinkles make me especially happy."

• "Hey, Dad, I helped you out by already grading your seminary students' test papers. Oh, and they all failed because all their answers didn't have any pictures or drawings, just a bunch of letters and words. And I used this big permanent marker to cross out their answers. You can thank me later, OK, Dad?"

• "Cut and stack the wood pile, do the dishes, vacuum the house, dust the furniture, wash the windows, do the laundry — I'm telling you, they should have named me Carterella."
• "Hey, Dad, let me show the piece of wood I've been whittling all week — it's a figure I call Mr. Woody, and I play with him all day and he's my best friend. But I've can't find him anywhere here in the box. Mr. Woody . . . Mr. Woody, where are you? Wait . . . oh, no . . . you don't suppose he got put in . . . oooooh, Mr. Woody! . . . (awkward pause) . . . Dad, can we at least scatter Mr. Woody's ashes in the backyard?"

• "OK, Grandpa, so if you try to stab the last French fry on the plate that way with your fork, I'll block you this way with mine."
• "I'm going to duel him left-handed. It is the only way I can be satisfied. If I use my right — over too quickly . . . I dedicated my life to the study of fencing. So the next time we meet, I will not fail. I will go up to the six-fingered man and say, 'Hello. My name is Carter Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.' "