Saying 'Uncle'

• "Yes, Mom, I'm trying really hard to be calm, nice and friendly around my Uncle Braden - remember, we agreed it would be my little 'service project' and our little 'secret.' "
• "He thinks that by holding me this far away that I won't be able to spit up on him. But I didn't earn the nickname of 'The Spewmaster' for nothing."
• "Who's your favorite nephew?"
• "It can be so embarrassing to be seen out in public with a 15-year-old uncle. I mean, if your uncle can't drive a car and take you cruisin' around town, over to the mall or out for pizza or In-N-Out burgers, what good is he anyway?"
• "So, this is how the whole 'pit' thing started — not impressed." (from Mitch)
• "Didn't anyone teach you how to hold me? Duh . . . this isn't a stake dance — you can hold me a little closer." (from Mitch)

Air Male

• "I just know my Publisher's Clearinghouse Sweepstakes notification is in here somewhere."
• " 'Occupant' . . . bill . . . 'occupant' . . . 'occupant' ... bill. Man, you'd think Grandma Taylor would write me a letter every once in a while!"
• Yesterday's taste test: newsprint. Today's taste test: mail. And guess what tomorrow's is?"
• I keep offering to my parents my services to lick the stamps and the envelopes -- but, no! So, I'll show them and fill out every credit card application sent to us."
• "Tastes like chicken." (from Mitch)
• "I'm almost over my letter-eating habit — I think it's licked." (from Mitch)
• "You don't eat letters, only numbers — and the letter is '8'. " (from Mitch)
• "If you think letter-eating is an amazing feat, you should have seen me get the letters from the mailbox ... let alone me driving the car." (from Mitch)

Different strokes for different folks

• "Here's how I'm training for the 2028 Summer Olympics -- I've shaved off all my body hair and I practice the backstroke whenever I'm in the water. Now, if I could only find an infant-sized Speedo!"
• "When I go to Grandma Taylor's house, at least they know there how to keep me modest for bath-time photos!"
• OK, Aunt Breanna, I think I've proved that I'm ready for the deep end."
• "Somebody break the ice so I can get out!" (from Mitch)
• "Swim suit — SUIT! Not a swim washcloth!" (from Mitch)
• "20 laps in 20 seconds — a new world record, and without a kick-turn. I rock! No, really, I swim like a rock." (from Mitch)

Open wide and say "Ahhhhhhhh"

• "What am I doing? Well, Uncle Braden bet me I couldn't stick this ball in my mouth - and I'm going to show him!"
• "I thought you said this was a 'sucker' ball."
• "You said 'pass the ball' — I can't pass it until I swallow it." (from Mitch)
• "My ball . . . my slobber . . . now really my ball." (from Mitch)
• "I'd keep playing water polo, but my horse drowned." (from Mitch)

Scouting report

• OK, Dad, I've watched the other ward's team warm up and I think we can take them. Let me play the point and I should be able to . . . . . woah, I have a Nets jersey on and all of a sudden I'm starting to feel funny, a little dizzy, a little weak. Maybe you guys ought to go on without me, and I'll just sit here with Mom and work on my dribbling."
• "I get the Nets shirt and YOU get a BYU shirt — what did I do wrong? If you're talking about the diaper — so I used it. Is that soooo bad?" (from Mitch)
• "Hey, I just realized that I'm taller than you . . . ahem, if you're sitting and someone's holding me." (from Mitch)

Thinking about

• "I'm Carter Jensen and I approve all these captions."
• "4 ... 8 ... 15 ... 16 ... 23 ... 42 ... 4 ... 8 ... 15 ... 16 ... 23 ... 42 ...4 ... 8 ... 15 ... 16 ... 23 ... 42 ..."
• " And you are?" (from Mitch)
• "I eat, sleep and poop . . . what do you do for a living?" (from Mitch)
• "Yeah, I'm a Nets fan — so what about it?" (from Mitch)

Read-along

• "This is so much easier to follow, Mom. When Uncle Braden reads to me, I have to help him sound out the words."
• "Are you sure that in all the books you read to me each night, every other sentence actually says 'You are getting sleepy, Carter . . . your eyelids are droopy and your eyes want to shut . . . you're getting sleepy, Carter.' "
• "It's funny - you read me Dr. Seuss and Dad reads me ESPN: The Magazine.
• "Hey, dad, help me out here. You see what she's doing to me? Reading! Uncle Aaron doesn't have to read. So ... um ... grab me, then the remote and let's meet at the couch in five ... and bring food. 'Sesame Street' starts in 10 and today the show is sponsored by the number '3' and the letter 'A.' It's must-see TV." (from Mitch)

From my lofty perch ...

• "This gives me a feeling of power, power -- forgive me a cruel chuckle (ha-ha) -- POWER!" (From "Robin Hood")
• "I feel like a Weeble - I wobble but I don't fa-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-l-l ..."
• "So this is what the floor looks like from above - it's hard, it's flat. No wonder I've got back problems and a bare spot on the back of my head."

Tripleheader

• "So, was this how you wanted me to smile when you took me to the photo studio the other day?"
• "Look, I can tickle my own feet and make myself laugh -- like this!"
• "When I look up and smile, I only have one chin!" (from Mitch)

• "Can I tell you how pleasant it is to be up here on your level and not down on the floor looking up your nose?"
• "I'm feeling a little tongue-tied right now."
• "Got your nose!" (from Mitch)
• "My smile will knock your shoes off — it did mine." (from Mitch)

• "OK, so now what do I do? When in doubt, just grab your toes - works for me."
• "OK, so how do I get down from here? Little help here, please!"
• "Squirrel!" (from Mitch)

High-definition

• "Oh, no, Dad, do we have to watch another Nets loss . . . er, I mean, another Nets game again?"
• "Well, if you're not going to let me watch Barney, then I'm just going to hold my breath until I pass out."
• "I'm sorry, Dad. You trusted me with a man's job of holding on to the TV remote . . . and I flushed it down the toilet."
• "Sure glad they didn't name me 'I-lean.' " (from Mitch)
• "I am sooooo worn out from all the 'white chair' smiling" (from Mitch)