The great outdoors

• "Ah, nothing like sitting in the shade on your mother's lap and daydreaming ... of Utah ... and mountains ... and the Jazz ... and chasing kitties ... and making faces at Uncle Braden ... ahhhh, the good life."

• "Tah-daaaaaah! Yes, I'm sure this is how escape artist Harry Houdini got his start — popping out of the child-restraint belts in his stroller and wriggling out of his constrictive clothes."
• "So, a funny thing happened when I went looking for used baby strollers. The salesman asked if I was interested in a stripped-down model . . . so I undressed myself down to my diaper. Ha, ha, ha! Thankyouverymuch. You've been a great audience — I'll be here all week, and don't forget to tip your waitress."
• "They don't call me 'Wrong-Way Jensen' for nothing."
• "Some people like to see where they're going. I'd rather see where I've been."

• "Come on, Mom! What gives? No other kid I knows gets fed chocolate pudding by his mother flinging it from 15 feet across the room!"
• "Waaaah! Help me, Dad! Mom won't let me play 'earthworm' any more."
• "Hey! Taking all the 'nakey' photos of me are bad enough - but I consider this a real 'dirty picture!' "
• "I don't know what hurts more — face-planting into the dirt, or the fact that my parents just spent the last minute laughing at how I look."