Carter's Revenge

Saturday, June 26, 2010

"Admit it, Mom, you just brought me along to help you watch for poison ivy, didn't you?"
"My stroller may say 'JEEP' on it, but it doesn't have Jeep-quality shocks — especially on these dirt roads."
"Mom, when you asked if I wanted to go three-wheeling, this isn't what I had in mind. I was hoping for something with a little more power and kick than . . . well, than you."
"Come on, Mom, five more miles! I'm not even tired." (from Mitch)

"In my case, it's more of a 'gum'-brush than a toothbrush."
"You know what this bathroom needs? A little signs that says 'Did you brush your teeth today?' "
"mmmmphf mmmmmphfmmm mmmmm phmmmphf" (from Mitch)

"This neighborhood is as dangerous as any other. Some you may have to watch out for gangs or vicious dogs. Here, you got to keep an eye out for wild turkeys and monster-sized spiders."
"I'z gotz antz in me pantz and I'z needs to dance." (from Mitch)

"More turkeys? What's the name of this street? Norbest drive? Pilgrim Pride Place?"
"What's my Uncle Braden doing over there by the tree in that yard?"
"Sorry, Mom, but seeing turkeys, owls, dogs and cats in the Marlboro neighborhood is a far cry from visiting the San Diego Wild Animal Park. But nice try anyway."
"Hey, you jive turkey, what be goin' dooown?" (from Mitch)

"Hmmmmm. I'm thinking it feels like it's about 5:45 AM -- or in other words, time to wake up!"
"Dreaming ... of my next ... trip ... to Utah."
"Don't you hate it when you wake up and you've got morning-binky breath?"
"Is that bacon I smell coming from the kitchen?" I love a breakfast of oatmeal, bacon and strained peas."
"This bed is soooo nice . . . next thing you know, they're going to have me laying short-ways in a crib with a stuffed dog." (from Mitch)

"Mom and Dad, when you said we'd be having fun in the water this summer, I was thinking 'water park' or 'swimming pool,' not this."
"How do you expect me to cool off or learn how to swim? The water doesn't stay; it keeps falling through the cracks?"
"I'd try to get a drink out of the hose, but the water won't stay still."
"Awesome — water . . . time to get naked!" (from Mitch)

"Go ahead and feel it, Dad - I'm just nine months old and I already have more hair on top of my head than my Grandpas!"
"See, Dad - I AM taller than you are!"
"Mom forgot to put sunscreen on me right here!"
"Hey, dad, why is everyone calling you 'Brother White'?" (from Mitch)

"Still ... can't ... quite ... see ... over ... dashboard!"
"Yeah, Dad, this is how Mom drives -- one hand on the steering wheel, and one on the horn. And, yes, she knows how to use that horn."
"Me and Joey down the street have got it figured out -- I work the ignition and steering wheel, he works the gas and brake pedals, and we're down the road to the nearest Wal-Mart to check out the latest in Fisher-Price toys."
"Whenever my safety-minded Dad needs to check his text messages in the car, he pulls over and leaves the driving to me."
"I'd let Joey drive, but he can't while using the cell phone." (from Mitch)

"Something's not right here, but I'm not sure ... Blimey! The steering wheel's on the wrong side of the car."
"No roof, no doors, no seat belts -- this car is just a safety nightmare."
"Can I have it, please? Can I take it home with me?"
"All I need is a pair of fuzzy dice hanging from the rear-view mirror and I'm all set to go cruisin' for babes!"
"Yeah, Dad, this is how Mom steers the car when she drives. Do you want to hear the names she calls the other drivers, too?"
"Ummm, can I get a BIGGER car, please — one where I can stand on the seat and barely see over the dash? One with a REAL horn?" (from Mitch)

"Grandpa just booked us two more trips to Utah this year? Sweeeeeeet!"
"The New Jersey Nets have a new coach and I have a new voice coach to help me learn how to talk. And the funny thing is -- it's the same person, Avery Johnson!"
"I'm practicing on my best 'I want a pet' face."
"Hey, this doodle chair hasn't even been started! Can I get a marker and maybe some chocolate?" (from Mitch)