B.Y. and me

• "Dad's always talking about how BYU is loaded with babes, but - dang - all I see are college students. Not one stroller in sight!"
• "Come on, Mom, why won't you let me splash in the Talmadge Building pool?"
• "You'd think they'd have replica Jimmer Fredette jerseys in child's extra small, wouldn't you?"
• "All I heard was someone say 'American Heritage 100' and suddenly I got this queasy feeling in my stomach."
• "I miss the Nets ... just teasing, not really. Now, some juice — that's something I could go for."

Beach w-a-a-a-a-mbulance

• "That's three times you've let the ice cream guy go by without me something!"
• "I'll tell you what's wrong - these aren't authentic Oakleys!"
• "How are the babes on the beach gonna tell when I'm winking at them if I'm having to wear these dark shades?"
• (I think this is a rap from Mitch:)

"Hey, mama, don't you treat me wrong

Come and love your Carter all day long

All right now, hey, hey, all right

... Tell me what'd I say right now.

Peace-out."

Pail face

• "Hey, I could really use something this size when I'm trying to eat my meals."
• "Yeah, I can play with this for a while, but I'd really rather have a metal detector . . . or maybe a four-wheeler."
• "Guess what is currently holding more sand — the pail or me britches." (from Mitch)

Sand man

• "What so funny? Oh, I just buried Mom's car keys, that's all."
• "This is what I saw the cats do the last time we were in Utah and played together in the litter box."

Water worries

• "Wait! Stop! What are you thinking, Mom? I can't go into the water without my boogie board!"
• "No, no, no! Last time I was in Utah, Uncle Braden and I stayed up late to watch 'Jaws,' and I'm afraid I'd be a 'Carter McNugget' to some hungry shark out there."
• "I can't even crawl, let alone walk or swim -- and you're tossing out into the ocean?"
• "I thought we talked about this — I don't like baths, PERIOD. Not in little tubs and most definitely NOT in this giant tub." (From Mitch)

Happy thoughts

• "So, you say you're putting me on a plane to Utah for a week?" (ADDENDUM: "Dreams do come true!")
• "What were the odds the Nets wouldn't get the first pick in the draft?" (From Mitch)

Horsin' around

• "Finally, something that can smell worse than I can, if you know what I mean."
• "You can't fool me, Mom! I said I wanted to go see a bunch of animals, and I'm pretty certain this isn't an Amish petting zoo."
• "So, this is a horse, huh? Then how can Dad fit so many of these under the hood of his 200-horsepower Toyota?"
• "And you think cars have problems with emissions control -- whew!"
• "You say he's a quarter horse? Looks like the complete deal to me. . . . Do I know him? I say, 'neigh.' . . . Does he have a colt? He sounds a little horse. . . . Is he from Maine? . . . I could stir-up more puns — do you need to reign me in? (From Mitch)

Beach bummer

• "Uhhhh . . . (awkward pause) . . . excuse me."
• "I can't get the sand off my hands and my feet - to say nothing about getting it out of my pants - and the water's too cold. I don't think I'd have these kinds of problems playing in the mountains in Utah with Grandpa Taylor. But how to break it to my parents? How?"
• "Nope, still don't know what people like the taste of crab — tastes too salty and sandy for me." (from Mitch)

Food for thought ... and thinking about food

• "OK, now that lunch is over — when's dinner?"
• "It's as plain as the nose on my face - or what's on the nose on my face . . . there's a reason my mom doesn't have me wearing clothes when she feeds me."
• "I think I'm kinda figuring out this spoon thing . . . so when do I get to try the knife and fork?"
• "I'm not sure which hand I'm supposed to hold the spoon in — so I'm using both."
• "Yeah, I'm in charge! Don't forget it, Mom. Oh, and don't even think about trying to feed me with this spoon ever again! I know the difference between real food and baby food — and adult utensils and baby utensils! Geesh!" (from Jenna, who adds "that's what he's really thinking and acting like")
• "Can I see what you have in an orange carrot — size 1." (from Mitch)
• 
  

Piano man

• "Enough of these nursery rhyme songs, Mom . . . when do we get to try some Coldplay?"
• "It's hard to be taken seriously as a piano prodigy when you're forced to sit in some plastic, lime-green booster chair."
• "As my great-uncle Aaron would say at about this age: 'ELTON JOHN!' "
• "Thanks for showing me this, Mom — now, you won't mind if I try it on my own every other day for the next 3 to 5 years, will you?"
• (Channeling his inner Paul McCartney/Stevie Wonder) "Ivory and ivory, live together in perfect harmony, side by side on the piano ..." (from Mitch)